A shift in perspective

Michael and I went to see a lovely movie recently called “The Bookshop.” Without giving it away, its key message was all about having the courage to follow a dream.

After the movie, we went for a bite and talked about the movie. I told Michael that when I was in my twenties, I had a dream – actually more like a fantasy – of owning a bookshop. That was before the Barnes & Noble days, and my fantasy was that my shop would be filled with wood floors and overflowing bookcases, overstuffed chairs, fresh coffee and a daily pastry. I wanted it to be a place for people who love books to hang out and indulge in their own fantasies.

So Michael said to me, “Well, you fulfilled a lot of that. Look at all the bookcases and wood in our house, and all of your books. You brew coffee every day (although no pastry comes with it – bummer). We often have friends and family here, and the best thing is you don’t have to sell your books! ” Hmmm – that was a different way to look at it.

And you know what? He was right. Without realizing it, I have brought the most important parts of that fantasy to life. So it got me thinking about how, with a little shift in our perspective, we can change our experience.

We get so caught up in our daily to-do lists and problems of the day that we often can’t see the good in our life or a potential solution to a problem. We keep our heads down and barrel through each day getting things done while missing what’s right in front of us or all around us.

I have certainly had my share of limited perspectives, and this “not working” phase has been one of the bigger ones that I’ve faced. Starting with the fact that I still don’t like the term “retirement” (can we all say “denial?”), I’ve definitely found myself anxious about what I’m doing, or more specifically, what I’m not doing.

Lots of questions, self-exploration, even a little recrimination at times. But when I stopped looking at what I thought was missing in my life, I began to see how good and full it is already. Even without the job . . . or more accurately, especially without one. And with that little shift, I immediately felt more empowered, and peaceful at the same time.

Or as my BFF, who is very new to the whole “not working anymore” phase in life told me, “When I’m feeling a little lost, instead of thinking of those days as wasted or frustrating which only makes me more anxious, I try to see them as gifts of time and space to allow myself to explore things that I’ve “put away” years ago. I hope by doing that a new idea or interest will begin to surface.”

Exactly.

What a great exercise to take a look at the stories we tell ourselves about our lives, or even those dreams unfulfilled, and dissect them a little to see what “parts” of them might tell us a different story.

  Here’s a small example of reworking a negative perspective.

Let’s say you sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic a lot, and feel trapped and exhausted by it. Living and working in certain parts of California, driving in horrible traffic is akin to breathing. It’s a must-do. What if, instead of feeling the burden and drudgery of it, you consider that time in the car your “alone time?” Time to think, to plan, to listen to books that you don’t have time to read, to reprogram or learn new things with a series of podcasts, or better yet, daydream. Visualize your life without the long commute. What does that look like?

I’m a big proponent of “if you believe it, you’ll see it.” So start believing.

You can kick start your change in perspective with a few steps:

1. Acknowledge that you choose to see things in your life a certain way. When you accept this, you also get to choose to change it.
2. Change your input. Educate yourself. Read more, listen to TED Talks, take a class, indulge in different media and info sources (but not social media).
3. Visualize the life or the situation that you want most. With as much detail as possible, create it in your mind. Then make a plan to bring it to life.
4. And most important of all, practice gratitude. The simple act of taking a step back and looking at your life might just help you see all the good, rather than what’s not working.

As my yoga teacher says, “Appreciate the good, and the good appreciates.”

Gotta love that.

Anyway, I’m on a quest to challenge my thinking or perspective in a variety of areas in my life. I recognize the area that needs an update when I find myself dwelling there, and not in a happy way. So, just like we rearrange furniture to give a room a fresh look, try rearranging your thoughts about something and see what the new view offers.

Till next time,

 

Judy