On becoming elders

What do you think of the term “elderhood?” If your reaction is similar to mine, it can best be summed up as “ew!” Not me, I’m not an elder. Good grief, don’t those people sit around piazzas or town squares doling out unwanted advice and/or judgments? Again, not me.

However. Since reading the book I mentioned in my last post, Second Wind, by Dr. Bill Thomas, I’ve come to think of that term and what it means, by his way of explanation, a little differently. In fact, I actually like much of what he offers as elderhood being an earned gift of our later years. A gift for us to explore and share. A place of honor, so to speak.

In the book, Dr. Thomas describes three different belief system constructs around aging that he believes the older population of Boomers seems to fall into – Denialists, Realists, and Enthusiasts.

If you recall, people who relate to, or aspire to, the Enthusiast belief system are, well, enthusiastic about their aging selves. They don’t deny some of the physical limitations that can occur, but they don’t dwell there either. They also are not stuck in the realm of doing everything to maintain and prepare, but still accepting that aging is difficult and decay is inevitable. The Enthusiast just moves on, or in – to a deeper level of being.

Personally, I think there’s a little to be learned in each construct – a little denial never hurts, and it’s always good to be prepared. But when it comes to really getting the most out of life, especially in this age, phase, or chapter, I do believe it goes beyond or deeper than the surface stuff.

In the author’s words “Enthusiasm is a countercultural movement that rejects the narrative of decline and replaces it with a journey of growth and discovery.”

 I love that. All of life should be about growth and discovery – at least that’s my opinion. Why would we ever stop exploring what it means to be alive?

Anyway . . . back to Enthusiasts. According to Dr. Thomas, “Having an appreciation for elderhood as a distinct phase of human development allows us to reimagine the terrain of life beyond adulthood. Further, an Enthusiast elderhood would enable people to increasingly express their true selves.”

Now that’s an elderhood I can get behind. Still not loving the word, but hey, I’m sensitive to words. I’m just now warming up to the “R-word” (as in retirement) and it’s been a year and a half.

Dr. Thomas continues, “We can explore this terrain only if and when we find the courage to go deep inside ourselves.

This whole idea of going deeper and uncovering our true selves, now rich with life experience and knowing, is so incredibly exciting to me. I wonder what lurks beneath layers of life that perhaps I’ve forgotten – dreams fallen to the wayside, skills yet to be honed, talents needing some polish.

Interestingly, when I talk to friends about what and how they’re feeling about aging and the changes in our lives, there is a growing sense that there is more still to be experienced and shared in life than merely leisure or hobbies. While they love the freedom to explore life on their own terms, they . . . we . . . don’t want to be counted out. Pushed to the sidelines. Not sharing or guiding others to higher ground or safer pathways.

Going deep and forward, but also remembering where we’ve come from, would allow us the kind of wisdom, ripe with empathy, that generations coming behind us might embrace and seek out rather than fearing the advice that begins with “In my day . . .” (Ah geez, even I wince when I hear those words, especially when they’re coming out of my mouth!).

Finally, Dr. Thomas says “We need elders, more than ever, because of their unique ability to connect us. They are the human equivalent of superglue.”

Human superglue. I like that, but I like a term used to describe Native American elders better – “wisdomkeepers.” Let’s be that. Let’s create that elderhood – one that is understanding, and brimming with reassurance and comfort for those around and behind us. The “It’ll be OK,” or “this too shall pass”, or “trust your instincts” advice-giving kind of elders.

Ready to start an Enthusiasts Club? One that demonstrates all that’s great about aging? Me, too. Honestly, if there’s one place we can begin it’s to help dispel the fear of aging and come out from behind our invisibility. We can do that by starting to unlock the mystery of our own selves-on-aging. Lead by example, and all that.

As always, I’d love to know your thoughts on this. And just so you know, I appreciate all the wisdom many of you share with me on a regular basis.

In closing, I offer my own wise words of advice (she says with a wry smile): Go deep, my friends. Go deep.

Till next time,

 

Judy