Don’t you love Spring? The promise of rebirth, a fresh start, things in bloom and longer days. Time to get back into the garden, do more dining al fresco, lighten up the wardrobe.
The Spring cleaning bug bit me last weekend, and I tore through my closets like a woman on a mission. I actually was on a mission – to refresh and reframe how I want to be in my new world. And what better place to start than with clothes! At least that’s what I thought I was doing.
Since then, I’ve been thinking that the burst of energy I had to clean out my closets might have actually meant that I was finally facing the reality that this “off career” thing is real and much bigger than just having more free time now. Shedding items of clothing that will not serve me any longer in my new life forced me to really think about change.
Many of the items I was discarding had work memories attached to them. So, for a few minutes, I let myself enjoy some of those memories. Like the teams I worked with or ran through airports with catching the last flight, or nights out with a client or colleague after a particularly successful – or harrowing – meeting celebrating or commiserating, and of course, the work we produced that I’m still proud of today.
What surprised me most was the melancholy I felt. I’ve had a couple of months now not working, and I’ve been enjoying the freedom (a LOT). It’s possible this has been what friends have characterized as the honeymoon period. You feel a little like you’re on vacation.
Then a slow simmer of something begins – or has begun – just below the surface.
I can feel it. I can’t quite name it, but it’s there. The unknowing excites me, but confuses me, too.
I know life is full of change. We can’t stop it or control it. The best we can do is accept it and let it ride, knowing that, as mom used to say “things always work out for the best.”
I used to roll my eyes when she said that and then I’d try to come up with scenarios when that wasn’t true. Of course, with time and growing up, I came to realize that she was right. Things always work out for the best. They might not work out the way you wanted them to, but ultimately, the end result is usually the best thing.
Change – sometimes I crave it so much that I’m ready to sell the house and move away. Other times, I want to keep everything exactly as it is right now with no change at all – ever. My husband just nods his head in either situation, knowing at some point I’ll land in the neutral zone again. Smart man.
“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust 1923
But, back to Spring. A new beginning, both in nature’s season, and in this new season of my life. Now that the dust is settling a bit for me, I’m ready to start learning to embrace the unknowing and see where it leads me. And, I’m so ready to take on Spring. Let the garden dance begin.
How about you? Are you experiencing any internal changes as the different seasons of your life evolve? Or are you feeling an undercurrent of change coming? I’d love to hear from you.
For now, I’m buying more fresh flowers for the house. And maybe a pretty new blouse or two. That much I can control.
As far as the bigger questions . . . I’ll let the answers emerge in time, and trust that it will all work out for the best.
Till next time,