Harmony Designed

Such is life

My sister wrote those words to me in a text recently. Her husband was not feeling well and we were considering canceling our sisters’ getaway. At any time in life, unforeseen circumstances can alter your world on a dime. As we get older, these surprises become more common or even expected.

Such is life. 

There is a gentle and beautiful acceptance within those words – at least to my way of thinking. Not resignation, just a knowing and accepting that life is full of change. Some good, some not so good. Fighting it and bemoaning the changes won’t alter a thing, but will certainly bring you down, wasting precious time. I think age tends to mellow that old fight, or at least I hope it does. 

Speaking of surprises, a few weeks ago nearly to the end of our home updating projects, I had to have an emergency appendectomy. Ouch!  And, great timing.  I’ll admit, I wasn’t as grace-filled as my sister when we had to alter our plans and delay the last of the house projects for a few more days, and put off a getaway that Michael and I were so looking forward to. But with enough time, I gave in and just focused on healing. Things don’t always go according to plan.

Such is life.

With all the house projects we took on this Summer now completed (thank goodness) and my healing on track, I have found myself felling a bit “stalled.” Not sensing a clear direction – with my blog or anything else. Since we essentially put real life on hold while invaders came into our house to paint and do floors and cabinets and clean, then add to that my little surgical “adventure,” I find myself spinning a bit, trying to get a foothold again.  

Such is life.

Sometimes you’re on it, knowing where each foot will land, what each day brings, what next step to take. Other times, you have to float for a while and trust that you’ll find your way back.

Even though it’s a little uncomfortable, I’ve come to see these episodes in my life as a good omen. I believe it’s my subconscious giving me a kick in the fanny to do something – get creative – be more active – meditate – spend time in nature — just do somethingto facilitate a breakthrough.  It’s easy to be lulled into complacency when things are going well.  But complacency is not a good thing.  It allows us to pass our days without really experiencing them.  Even if the experience is not what you want, it is still a part of your life and can be embraced without becoming the worst of it.  

Such is life.

So even though one sister was not able to physically join the other two in our annual sisters’ night because of real life challenges, we improvised with a video chat to make sure that our much-loved tradition is not lost. The three of us were still together, we still had time to talk and laugh and enjoy that sister connection that is an important part of each of us. 

This is the part of being this age that I LOVE.  You know what’s most important in your life, your focus is clearer, there’s more time to truly indulge in what matters, and going with the flow comes easier.  Because you know . . . 

. . . such is life.

Till next time,Judy

Taking another look

The words above from Winnie have been a bit of a balm for me of late. Michael and I have embarked upon a few home renovation projects recently, and the line “you’re stronger than you seem” keeps running on a continuous loop inside my head.  I’ve heard stories of renovation nightmares from so many friends over the years, so I didn’t think I was completely naïve getting into this.  But until you’re in the midst of all the mess and chaos, it never really hits home. And we’re not even doing a big renovation, just some updating here and there and everywhere (it seems).

However, while I’ve been dealing with my version of crazy, I’ve spoken with a couple of friends this week who are dealing with true life challenges.  Serious, life-altering challenges.  Really put my renovation annoyances into perspective. 

Perspective.  I don’t give it much thought usually, but it got me thinking.  It’s amazing how taking a broader view can alter the landscape so dramatically and so quickly.  My discomfort and irritation at the inconveniences I was “suffering” (like having to walk out the front door and through the garage to get to the refrigerator which is in the garage) kind of melted away. 

Then I remembered my gratitude. Gratitude that the worst I’m dealing with right now is a messy house and a few inconveniences.  Gratitude for the health and happiness of my loved ones, gratitude for the many blessings in my life. And quite honestly, gratitude that I have a loving home to call my own in the first place. 

I think we can all use a shift in perspective once in a while, don’t you? In fact, we might want to make it a daily habit.  Just a daily check-in to see if a slight adjustment in your current way of looking at something might change the dynamic of a situation or a relationship – for the better.  It’s certainly worth a try.

And at this age, it should be a little easier to make that shift in perspective.  After all, we’ve been there, done that for the most part. With some life experience, we can usually find a broader view of life – if we’re brave enough to see it.  Guess you could consider that a gift of age.  

If there’s one thing I would tell my younger self, or the “youngers” in my life, it would be to try to find that different view in times of difficulty – at least for a moment. Because dwelling on a problem has never solved it or eased the burden.  Instead, it prolongs the challenge and zaps your joy.  Sure wish I’d realized and practiced that years ago.  

So, taking my own advice and shifting perspectives here.  Letting go of the mess (sort of), and focusing on the outcome (for the most part). Out the front door I go, around the corner and into the garage for . . . wine.  Oh, did I forget to mention that a little wine helps with that shift, too?  (wink and a smile)

Till next time,

Judy

Summer fun

Did you know that July is National Picnic Month?  I know, I know, there’s a National Month for everything – probably even eyelash curling. But people, picnics!

I love a picnic. Fresh air, a blanket on grass or sand, a few nibbles, a good book or not, perhaps a concert or not, that’s the stuff of pure Summer bliss to me.

Dictionary.com describes a picnic as “Sharing a meal in the open air.”  Ya gotta love that.

Open air. A Summer breeze. Cool, green grass or warm sand. Friends and loved ones nearby. Sigh.

I believe that the true joy of picnicking, though, is the moment or pause that it requires.  It’s such a simple, old-fashioned endeavor, nothing modern or technological necessary.  Just a relaxed attitude and time to share with your picnic partners.  

I think food even tastes better when you’re sitting on a blanket under a tree or an umbrella near the shore.

Picnics are kinda my thing. Just ask my husband. He rolls his eyes at the suggestion, and then goes along . . . and, of course, totally enjoys the moment.  Picnicking is in my blood, my DNA.  I have many fond memories of picnics.  When I was a little girl, there was never much extra money for entertainment, so we did lots of Sunday afternoon picnics.  Depending upon how energetic Mom felt, we either had bologna, cheese and crackers or fried chicken and potato salad.  Whatever was the case, it was packed up with other treats and off we went into the country behind our town.  Mom and Dad would look for some shade in a field or a park somewhere, lay down a blanket, and call it heaven.  And it was. I always got to bring a friend along. We’d run wild having all kinds of adventures.  Mom would read and Dad would nap.  It was a perfect Sunday afternoon.

As a family, we celebrated holidays with a picnic, too.  Easter was a tradition, and a pre-Thanksgiving picnic started up years later as siblings gained in-laws and had to share holidays.  The Autumn picnic was always my favorite.

These days, we even picnic wherever we travel.  After all, there’s a park or a lakeside or a city bench just about anywhere in the world. All it takes is a little snack and a few minutes.  Just pause, observe and breathe.  Take in your beautiful world.

Truth be told, picnics are not reserved for Summer at all, especially in California. But for some reason, we indulge more often in this season.  Maybe it’s the heat that makes picnics so alluring. Or perhaps it’s the desire to recreate those lazy, hazy, crazy days of Summer.  I don’t know what the reason is, I just know I love any opportunity to be outside sharing time and a meal with those I love.

Even if picnics are not your go-to for Summer fun, think about what was once a joy-inducing activity of Summers past and go for it.  

But honestly, when was the last time you gave a picnic a try?  It’s National Picnic Month after all.  Go on, give it a try.  

Till next time, I hope you’re enjoying your own Summer fun.

Judy

I’m still here

. . . is a phrase that can have several different meanings or intentions.  In this context, I’m saying “I’m still here, my blog is still here, and both are in a reassessment mode.”  Add to that a few technical difficulties with the site along the way, and the worst case of bronchitis I’ve ever had, all conspired to keep me away a lot longer than I had planned.

But, I’m still here.

Two years into this not-working thing – oh hell, let me say it like it is – I’m retired.  (Just for the record though – I really don’t like that word. It has a “done” connotation that is so off-putting to me.)  Aaanyway, two years in and, with and without intention, I’m in a reassessment mode.  

There’s a settling in that happens with most big life changes, but that settling in takes time and is not without reverberations from one’s past life.  I remember my brother telling me that it took him two years to feel comfortable in his own skin again after he retired. In the beginning, leaving a long career for something new was euphoric. Everything seemed fresh and free and undiscovered.  It was a heady time. But a big life change like that is kind of like an earthquake. The initial jolt shakes your foundation, a little or a lot.  Even when the event is a good thing – like retiring – the change to your life, to your sense of self, is profound.  And then there are the aftershocks.  All the little things that crop up to question your decision, your new status, who you are or who you think you are. 

As I was telling a dear friend recently, over the last two years, I have done more “looking in the rearview mirror” than I ever have.  I think that’s to be expected though. Entering this phase of life is surprising, to be honest.  In a way, the looking back is almost like trying to find and confirm all the substance of your life up to this point.  My sweet friend put it this way, “Sometimes you have to look back in order to be more present and to keep looking forward.”  That makes sense to me.  

It just all goes So. Darn. Fast.  It’s shocking to find yourself here. We’re Boomers after all.  Perpetually young, right?  Well, not so much.  We’re not young anymore, but we’re still youthful, vibrant, curious, excited about life, growing, learning . . . in other words, we’re . . . not . . . done.  

Anyway, I now find myself flirting with a little reassessment. Looking under the hood, checking in with myself, my life.  I like to test myself with questions like “am I really happy? Or “am I just deluding myself?” “Am I satisfied with where I’m at?  Who am I now?” or “What am I missing?” “Shouldn’t I be doing something more important?”

I’ve given a few of these questions some thought, and here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

Am I really happy?  Yep, I am. No need to define it or offer proof points.  Just happy. The world has issues that make me crazy and frustrated, and some days I find myself “spinning” a bit, but none of that can take away what I feel deeply. Happy. And no, I’m not deluding myself.

Am I satisfied with where I’m at or who I am?  Well, I need to answer that question with another question.  Since when have I ever been completely satisfied with where I’m at or who I am?  Never . . . not completely anyway.  I’ve had great moments or times of satisfaction with the status quo, but in my heart of hearts, I’m a searcher. Always have been, always will be.  To me, life is continually in flux, allowing me a perpetual state of growth – or at least the opportunity for it.  There’s so much to discover about being a human in this life that, to me, the searching should really take up one’s entire life. That’s why “being satisfied” will never be something I aspire to . . . ever.  I guess you could say I’m satisfied with not being fully satisfied.

What’s missing?  Nothing and lots of things.  By things I don’t mean material anything, but more experiences, adventures, creative endeavors, thought development, more moments of flow.  And then again, nothing important is missing. My life is filled with love and gratitude. Enough said.

I guess these questions can apply to whatever life stage you’re in.  And don’t you think we can all use a little check-up or check-in once in a while?  Stuff changes and then we adapt.  No matter how subtle the change is, we alter our lives accordingly.  Even when there’s not been a big change, taking a look at your life allows you a moment to savor where you are, what you’ve accomplished, and to reassure yourself that the path in front of you is still the one you choose.

“I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that’s all right.

When you set out on a journey and night covers the road,

That’s when you discover the stars.”

Nancy Willard

The saddest thing to me would be to walk through life without questioning, seeking, pulling back the layers. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.”  I’m with Ralphie.

You?

Till next time, and sooner than later,

Judy

To all the moms . . .

. . .  I’ve loved in my life, and to all those I love today, Happy Mother’s Day.

The world needs you all, in more ways than ever.  Moms, to me, are constant beacons of hope, comfort, safety and love.  Unconditional, unyielding, brave-beyond-words love.

Just what this old world needs right now, huh?

This time of the year always has me pondering memories of my mom and all the good, and not so good, times we shared.  She’s been gone for over 12 years now, and I still think of her every, single day. Sometimes, I’ll ask her a question about this aging thing or the state of our world, and I usually have a pretty good idea of how she’d answer me.  And when I hear myself utter a phrase or platitude that she said a hundred times, I’ll catch myself, chuckle a little, and wonder if she heard me and is sending down an “I told you so.”

No matter what was going on in my life, Mom was my biggest cheerleader, the strongest shoulder to lean on, and always the source of a good belly laugh. She left her mark on me and my siblings in a myriad of ways.  Was her advice always on point? Hardly.  Did she ever make mistakes? Lord, yes!  Was she ever pushed to the point of giving up on us? Many times, but she would’ve “followed us to the guillotine” before she ever turned her back on us (inside joke my siblings will understand).

Motherhood. What a job. All powerful, all knowing (in kids’ eyes), and ON every minute of every day, 24/7.  If you look in the dictionary (I know, I’m dating myself) or Google it, under the description of mother, the first word is unselfish.  At least, it should be.

I have to admit that I love to watch the interactions of mothers and their children (small and grown ones).  Not having children of my own, I’m always a little in awe, with a slight pang of yearning, of what it must be like, for the intimacy they share.

Through all the drama, the arguments, and ups and downs of a mother/child relationship, I believe the greatest gifts our mothers give us is to show us their humanness – their faults and their talents, their vulnerabilities and their strengths, their fears and their passions, and especially their “I-don’t-have-a-clue-and-I-am-seriously-over-my-head-right-now” moments.

They teach us everything.  Sometimes the wisdom they impart is intentional, but many times it’s a potent byproduct of their actions.  Right or wrong, good or bad, forward or back, they show us how to “be” in this world.

And even when they’re not the Hallmark-movie version of what a mother is “supposed” to be, so what.  The trail our mothers leave in our lives gives us a path to follow, or from which to retreat or deviate. Regardless, the impact on our lives is the same. Profound.

With age comes a little maturity (hopefully) and enough perspective to really, truly see and appreciate our mothers, in all their humanness.  So, to my beloved mother, and to all the beloved mothers and warrior moms in my life, I love you, and I thank you.

Till next time,

Judy