Sometimes that’s not an easy lesson or message to take in. We learn to seek happiness and bliss in our lives at an early age. Things have to be fun, exciting, wonderful, amazing . . . blah, blah, blah. Anything less is deemed a loss, a setback, a failure. An unworthy life.
Well, not so much.
Recently I’ve been reminded of this life lesson. Nothing specific is lacking, nothing in particular has gone wrong. Everything is fine. Good even. Damn good, in fact.
And yet, life just felt a bit . . . off. Boy, those days are hard. Since I couldn’t put my finger on anything specific, the good little Catholic girl in me immediately felt guilty for even indulging for a moment in those less-than-satisfied feelings.
I should be grateful for everything in my life – and I am. I should think of others who are really struggling – and I do, relentlessly. I should “offer it up” – don’t ask (thanks, Mom).
The thing is, none of that changes how you feel. At least not in the moment. You can be grateful, feel compassion for others, or even – dare I say – offer it up, and still feel “bleh.”
When I’m troubled about anything or nothing, my initial reaction is to find words to express, to seek, to uncover what lies beneath. I go to my journal.
And I usually have no problem with words. Just ask Michael. But when I’m in this in-between place, I can’t find them. No words, no voice, just spinning.
I’m sure you’ve been there. Isn’t it part of the human condition?
Maybe it’s a reaction to all the uncertainty and chaos in our country, and the world, of late. Perhaps it’s from looking down the path at another birthday looming and reeling a bit at the number (just a number, Jude – calm down). And, of course, it could be the settling back in after a lovely 16-day trip abroad and looking about for the next Start Line.
Possibly all of the above . . . and then just a little stuck-ness.
Whatever it was is fading now. A walk on the beach, some time alone, and a talk with my friend Colette – her soothing words “I get it. You and I are two peas in a pod. It sucks to feel this way, but it will pass,” reminding me that . . .
. . . yeah, life is good . . . but kinda hard, too.
So as I’m emerging from this ‘less-than’ place, let me put words around it so that next time, and there will be a next time, I can, or maybe you can, use them to find a way out.
This is a growing time. It doesn’t feel good, it’s confusing and distracting, and still OK. No need to fix anything. Just open up and listen. There will be wisdom there.
Till next time,
Judy
P.S. And can I just say “Go Dodgers!” I love LA!
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I know what you are talking about. I call it feeling “DISCOMBUBLED”
Part depressed – disappointed – confused – unsettled and even scared about what it might mean or portend.
Unfortunately for my husband – these times do not rob me of words ! He only gets that when I get laryngitis!
love ya Jude
bob
I always feel refreshed & cleansed after some time in the forest camping. Don’t the Japanese call that Forest Bathing?
Now, getting my husband to go with me is another challenge. Now I feel silly…I shouldn’t let that stop me, right?
Can relate totally! The politics is killing me and then my back has been hurting A LOT. Not a great situation for an exercise instructor… What helps me? Reading an interesting book that takes me away, playing analytical computer games and telling myself that the alternative sucks. Not profound – just honest.
I have experienced these feelings at various times in my life and it is reassuring to know that they will pass. I like your notion that there is no need to fix anything just open up and listen and there will be wisdom there. So true.
I love this! I have felt this before too and will remember your words the next time it comes around! 💕💕
Thanks for the insight. What I need is a catch up call with Judy.
Just beautiful Judy.
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