Finding your purpose

 

Have you read those articles or books that espouse how “finding your purpose” in life is the end all, be all? They’re everywhere these days, and always include stories of people who’ve retired, found their so-called purpose and turned their lives upside down – in a good way of course. Stories like . . .

• an accountant who trades in her spreadsheets for the open road and finds herself and her purpose along the way as the owner of a horse rescue ranch;
• or how about the high school teacher who decides to take up flying lessons and ends up flying people for free to hospitals or clinics to get that life-saving treatment or operation that they otherwise could never have had access to;
• or the housewife who decides 45 years is enough, takes her divorce settlement to India and starts an orphanage.

Geesh. I’m supposed to find motivation in all that? Usually what I feel after reading about these life-changing transformations is utter dejection, confusion, and more like a slug than a woman capable of her own metamorphosis.

I just don’t feel the need to do a complete remodel. And yet . . .

While having lunch with Michael a few days ago, I was sharing with him my distress after reading these kinds of stories and that I am trying to figure out what is my purpose in life now. I blurted out in between spoonfuls of lentil soup and spicy hummus, “I feel like I have no purpose in life!”

Bless his heart – he stops mid-bite and responds. “What? What do you mean you have no purpose in life? I love you. And you love me.” Very sweet, and he’s right, of course. But even though I know what he meant, it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. So I started the hunt.

Without having a career to use as my purpose, I’ve been thinking more about what really gives a life purpose. I did a little research and found a plethora of articles and studies online that discuss all kinds of steps, programs, or movements that will help you find your purpose. But what they were mostly describing was how to find work that fills you up and drives you forward.

But what if you’re no longer actively employed? Do you no longer have a purpose in life?

Oh, please. That kind of thinking keeps people trudging away at careers or jobs that no longer fill them up merely out of fear that they won’t know who to be anymore.

I get that we can absolutely love the work we do or the careers we’ve chosen and find passion in our efforts there. However, the longer I’m not working, the more clarity I feel like I’ve gained about what it really means to have purpose in life.

The roles we take on in life shouldn’t be defined as a purpose. They might be the expression of or vehicle for that purpose, but your purpose on this planet is deeper than that.

Years ago I read a book about spiritual enlightenment, and one passage in that book has stayed with me for years. Only recently has it come to mean much more to me, however. Basically, it said that our purpose in this life is to live a life authentic to what makes us unique as individuals – and that’s it. That’s the simple part.

The deeper, and harder, part is to figure out what that is. What is authentic to us? Where to start?

I’ve “studied,” explored, struggled with, conquered, failed, and loved this topic for what feels like my whole life. So here’s my two cents.

Start with what you believe to be your strengths – not the ones your parents or anyone else told you were your strengths – but those things, those skills, characteristics, personality traits, the special “gifts” inside you that make you happy. The ones at play when you feel most “in the flow.” Give them words – whatever words that seem to fit, that describe those things for you. Then live with those words for a while, as long as they feel right. The words might change or evolve over time, but the more you live with them, the more your awareness will grow. This becomes self-awareness.

Self-awareness is where everything begins. It’s where change is possible, where living an authentic life is created, where happiness takes hold.

Ultimately, I believe that finding your “happy” is what your purpose in life is. Finding what makes you happy and able to live life aware, fully engaged, in gratitude, service and joy. Because you see, we are all unique on this planet, so to find what makes us happy and content and ready to share ourselves with the world – well, that’s why we’re here.

The rest is all window dressing.  If your purpose takes you to horse farms or orphanages, great! But if your joy is spending time in nature or in a library, or planning the perfect meal, that’s great, too.

At least that’s my take on it.

And after giving Michael’s words more thought, I think I understand what he was getting at. Being loved and loving someone in return is definitely happy-making. Just knowing you’re important in someone else’s life, whether as a daughter, son, parent, spouse, sibling, aunt, uncle, or friend, gives life it’s most profound meaning.

And when you think about it, if more of us “found our purpose” as being fully who we are, happy and joyful, wouldn’t the world be a better place? Just imagine.

I’d sure love to know what you think of this? In the meantime, I’m reexamining my own words for this new chapter in my life. And not expecting any major transformations like horse farms or flight lessons – just fine-tuning the me that’s me.

Till next time,

Judy